Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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