if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
