he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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