I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
