Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
