I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
