I CAN MOONWALK!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
