She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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