Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i now understand why vodka
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
