Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
