dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
