cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
