If i come over, it means nothing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
