I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
