You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
