dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
