Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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