There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
