did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
