we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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