we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
