I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
