Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
