i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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