i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
