ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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