When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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