Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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