He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
