Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
