ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
