At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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