I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
