Swine flu. Run for my life!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
