I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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