All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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