i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize