if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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