After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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