So drunk its hurt
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
