I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
