I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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