Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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