It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
