ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
