god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize