I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
