Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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