I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
