I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
