The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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