I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
