I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
