guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
