I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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