It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize