Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
