i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
