Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
