Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize