Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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