You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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