I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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