after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
