This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
