He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
