he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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