why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
