just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
