she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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