i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
