Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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