not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do vagina's smell?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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