Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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