Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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