i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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