My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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