worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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