Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
