I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
