I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
