If that was your dad, he is hot
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
