addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
