She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
