Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
