so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
