Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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