You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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